My fault
by sixbynine
Summary: one shot about naruto and his thoughts on sasuke leaving..hard to summarise without telling you the plotending


Random rambly idea i had whilst watching naruto and reading about it on wikipeida...it bugged me all the way to work all the time i was at work and all the way home, so i had to write it

this is proberly the fastest thing ive ever done it took me like a couple hours..usually i get stuck halfway and wander off and do somethign else

i apologise now for the slgiht ooc naruto the random rambling and the angst..ENJOY

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It's taken me all these years to realise it; it was me. Me who pushed you away, me who made you run and seek strength. Not only me but mostly me, I shouldn't be surprised it's taken me so long to realise; I always was a little slow.

I never truly noticed how deeply our 'rivalry' affected you, how much it…hurt you I guess; to see me grow stronger and stronger whilst you seemed to be standing still. Even then you were blind to your own talent only seeing with jealous eyes the strength of those around you. It's ironic really, my seeking of your respect and friendship drove me to grow stronger which in turn drove you to grow stronger to beat me, which in the end led to 'him'.

With hindsight your deep-rooted hatred of Itachi and the desire for revenge shouldn't have been allowed to fester in your heart. With better hindsight you should never have been allowed to enter the ninja academy after the massacre of your clan, no one should be allowed to learn to kill after witnessing that. But then, it is expected of ninja to harbour hatred and revenge at some point in their lives, everyone knew you would at some point, so what harm could a little head start do?

_I sigh and pick up the picture of the four of us, 'more than they could ever know' I think 'more than they could ever know.'_

It's hard to look back on our childhood together with one emotion, to put it into a box and file it away like I have done with so much of my life. All I know is you made me feel such strong emotions; it didn't matter what the emotion was, if it was about you it was with one hundred percent of my heart. It drove me to compete with you over every little thing, how Sakura-chan didn't kill both of us I will never know, she tells me that we almost drove her insane; our constant bickering and fighting to be the best.

Kakashi-sensei allowed it when he should have put a stop to it because he recognised that we (I much more than you) needed the competition to gain strength, without the threat of being over taken both of us would have been happy to stay as we were. You perhaps less so, with you desire to kill Itachi. But me, well I honestly thought life would turn out for me, perhaps I figured it owed me that, or maybe I just took a long time to grow up and realise you have to work to be the best. I admit now I focussed only on beating you not gaining strength or becoming better, which would have been a far more admirable goal. You on the other hand recognised the strength I was inadvertently gaining and you…I don't know…hated me for it? Was jealous? I don't think anyone will ever truly know but the end result is the same either way. You ran away. No matter how you try and look at it, it will always be running away you turned your back on the people who cared about you and you ran.

In your quest to become stronger you almost destroyed two people's lives, and in my quest to beat you I drove you to do it. That will haunt me for the rest of my life, because ultimately it led us here, and here is somewhere I hoped never to be. Here is somewhere everyone hopes never to be, standing by the grave of their best friend, knowing it was them that put him there, whether by their own hand or indirectly.

In my case it was both I, and the things I did, that affected your decision to leave for Orochimaru. As I said my unknowing constant competing led you to seek strength, and the fight between us on the roof just proved to you that you were weaker than I. These things were indirect, I never intended them, never the less they would have eventually led to your death by another's hand. But my hand got there first, it was _my hand_, holding _my kunai_ that stopped your living, and that image of you dying will never leave me.

You thanked me; your last words on this earth were a thank you to the man who killed you. Maybe you knew you did wrong and couldn't escape, maybe you came looking for death. I don't know if I want this or not, because if you came to Konoha looking for death you must have known you would only find it at my hands, and the fact that you could do that to your once best friend meant you were truly lost to me. But then what other reason would you chose to lead a frontal assault on my village for? It's a pretty crppy way to come to back to village if you're seeking forgiveness, and even if deep down your heart you wanted to be forgiven for running, your pride would never have allowed it.

I suppose I should thank you to, partly for killing Orochimaru and Itachi, I do feel you were perhaps the only one able to kill the later, as for the former, well you simply saved us some time in our elimination of the sound village. But mostly I want to thank you because without you I know I would not be here today, my face would not be carved into the mountain and the respect and admiration I yearned for so much would belong to someone else. Without you I would never have gained the strength, because without you there was no one to compete against. Although if I could do it differently and trade my position as Hokage for having you still in my life I would.

It's lonely here, things were never really the same after you went, Sakura-chan eventually got over her childhood crush and fell in love but her heart never really got over your betrayal, though it healed far more than mine ever did. There's a permanent hole in there somewhere, where you used to be and I never did find anything or anyone to fill it. There's hope for me yet I suppose but I doubt it will ever be filled, you meant too much to me for you to simply be replaced.

I brought you flowers today, I know you never really cared for pretty things but it seemed a little insensitive and odd to place a weapon at you graveside. I know they watch me come here everyday and worry, but I don't really care, I owe you this little thing, if it hadn't been for me you would be remembered on the memorial stone as one of the great ninja of our village. Instead I had to fight tooth and nail for them to even let you be buried here let alone have a headstone, most of the people in this village wanted me to throw your body away, let it rot outside our gates. Even Sakura was divided for a moment, but I spoke to each of them, the people we grew up with, and after a moment's hesitation they agreed, for all your faults you were our friend and you deserved this at least.

Most of all I wanted you here, because selfishly, I need a reminder of where I went wrong and how my thoughtless action destroyed your life. Coming here everyday, remembering how I drove you away and eventually caused your death reminds to stop before I do anything and think. It reminds me I have to look out for others now not just myself, and it reminds me most of all that everything we do affects someone else even if we can't see it.

You will be the death of me Uchiha Sasuke, because each day I find it harder to go on, knowing you are gone forever now. The hope of your return kept me alive for many years, but that hope is gone now and I am fading with it. Maybe with my death your death will be balanced out and we can both find some peace.

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oh god oh god, i killed sasuke again i seem to do this a lot lately, i wonder if this reflects my change in attitide towards him? hes turning into a quite a teme

anyways i feel i should explain this, bascially i was reading wikipedia and watching naruto and it kinda occured to me (you lot proberly figured it out ages ago but hey im slow) that if naruto hadn't constantly been competeing with sasuke and trying to over take him, and eventually succeding. Sasuke may never have left to seek power...its kinda depressing really but it is actually sorta narutos fault... in a way. as for him calling sakura, sakura chan and kakashi, kakashi sensei i feel that no matter how old or mature naruto gets he will always use these to refer to these people because he will always see kakashi as his teacher and sakura as his first i dunno love proberly crush is better

So yeah sorry about the angst it just kinda happened..it was only gonna be a few hundred words about how naruto blamed himself, but it turned into an angst fest and then naruto killed sasuke 

and no sakura didnt fall in love with naruto...ick...

now back to writing Genrations 


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